The Price Tag of Generational Trauma

Growing up, I often found myself facing situations that challenged my values and the lessons imparted by my family. One particular memory stands out vividly: a day spent shopping with my father. What began as a routine trip to the store turned into a moment of revelation about my family's dynamics and my own behavior.

As we strolled through the aisles, my father’s pride was evident when he decided to show me a trick he had learned. He picked up a pair of sunglasses priced at $150, flashed a mischievous grin, and removed the price tag. He then grabbed a $5 pen, switched the tags, and confidently walked to the self-checkout. Watching him smirk as he "paid" for the sunglasses left me feeling a mix of confusion and admiration.

This incident was not simply a case of theft; it mirrored something deeper within our family. My mother often remarked that I was just like my father—a sentiment she started expressing when I was about four years old. At the time, I didn’t fully grasp the implications of her words, but as I grew older, the truth of her statement became clearer.

During my childhood, I must admit I stole frequently. From small items like candy to larger things such as electronics, my actions often stemmed from a sense of entitlement I absorbed from my environment. For example, a survey by the National Association for Shoplifting Prevention estimates that about 1 in 11 shoppers in the U.S. have stolen from a store at least once in their lifetime. This reality prompts me to question what psychological forces driven me—and my father—to take without considering the repercussions. Let's not forget my mother also taught me how to steal...

I believe the answer lies in the women of our family. Generational trauma can weave itself into our identities, shaping our behaviors and beliefs. In my case, it began with my grandmother, who endured hardships that rippled through our family for decades. For instance, studies show that when trauma is not addressed, its effects can manifest in subsequent generations. Without understanding this cycle, I might have followed a path of self-destruction. It was only through self-reflection and the challenging process of breaking away from my environment that I began to recognize the harmful patterns passed down through generations.

My mother’s decision to go no contact with my father's side of the family was a crucial turning point for me. It forced me to confront the reality of my upbringing and how it impacted my choices. I realized I was not merely a product of my environment; I had the power to rewrite my narrative.

Understanding childhood trauma and family dysfunction has been integral to my journey toward self-awareness. I’ve come to understand that stealing was not solely about the thrill; it served as a misguided attempt to fill a void. This sense of entitlement sprang from a deep-seated belief that I was unworthy of love and happiness.

As I reflect on my past, I recognize that my father’s actions were not isolated; they were reflections of his struggles. He, too, was shaped by his upbringing, and the cycle of dysfunction persisted. This realization resonates with many families who unknowingly repeat similar patterns.

Breaking these cycles is challenging but essential for healing. I’ve confronted my behaviors and their underlying reasons. It’s a journey filled with discomfort, yet it offers empowerment. By acknowledging the trauma in my family, I’ve been able to take meaningful steps toward a healthier future.

Throughout this quest for understanding, I’ve come to appreciate the significance of community and support. Surrounding myself with individuals who share similar experiences has been incredibly valuable. Knowing I am not alone in my struggles brings comfort. Together, we can work toward breaking the chains of generational trauma.

As I continue down this path, I remind myself of the importance of self-compassion. It’s easy to fall into self-judgment when reflecting on past mistakes. However, acknowledging my past does not define me; it is merely part of my story.

In summary, my experiences with theft and entitlement have led me to a deeper understanding of myself and my family. The reflections on family, theft, and survival are not merely about actions but the underlying reasons that drive them. By exploring the psychological aspects of our behaviors, we can begin to heal and break free from the cycles holding us captive.

I encourage anyone who resonates with this journey to seek understanding and support. It’s never too late to rewrite your story and create a future unburdened by the past. Together, we can navigate the complexities of family dynamics and emerge stronger on the other side.

Poetry Collection: The Price Tag of Generational Trauma