Why People Don’t Go to Church (And Honestly, I Get It)

Let’s talk about something that’s been weighing on my heart for a long time: Why don’t people go to church? Why are Christians judged so harshly?

I’ll tell you why—because so many of us who call ourselves Christians are failing to reflect Christ.

Let’s be real: Christians should be held to a higher standard. When you claim the name of Jesus, people expect to see His love, grace, and mercy in how you live, speak, and treat others. And rightfully so. In Matthew 5:14–16, Jesus tells His followers, “You are the light of the world… let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

But the light isn’t always shining. In fact, for many people, walking into a church feels more like stepping into a courtroom than a sanctuary. A place that was meant for healing becomes a place that hurts.

People don’t come to church already healed—they come broken. And yet, too often, they’re met with judgment instead of grace.

I’ve seen this up close. I’ve seen people lift their hands in worship on Sunday morning, only to tear others down with those same hands by Sunday afternoon. I’ve heard the gossip whispered behind closed doors, the mockery of someone’s voice who was brave enough to sing, the cold shoulders given to those who don’t fit the mold.

I saw it growing up. I watched my own mother raise her hands in church, praising Jesus like the perfect Christian… then turn around and scream and cuss at me on the way home for something as small as not standing long enough during worship. I remember the shame I felt, not for how I behaved, but for how her words cut deep—words that didn’t sound like Jesus at all.

It reminds me of what Jesus said in Matthew 15:8: “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.” That verse still hits me hard.

How is it that we can claim to know the One who sat with sinners, touched the lepers, and forgave the unthinkable… and yet we turn our backs on people who don’t live exactly like we do? Who gave us permission to gatekeep God?

Let me be clear: churches that close their doors to LGBTQ+ individuals, to people with messy pasts, to those who are different—those churches do not reflect Jesus.

Jesus spent His time with the outcasts. “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick,” He said in Luke 5:31. He dined with tax collectors, spoke with prostitutes, defended the woman caught in adultery, and walked alongside the broken. He even said in Matthew 8:20, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” Jesus was homeless, y’all. Let that sink in.

And yet, we’ve built fancy buildings with stained glass windows, while turning away people who are sleeping in their cars or wrestling with identity or struggling to believe. We expect them to come to church already cleaned up, when Jesus never asked that. He just said, “Come.” (Matthew 11:28)

People often ask me why I don’t go to church anymore. And this is why.

I’ve seen how so-called “godly” people can act behind closed doors. I’ve heard the gossip. I’ve been told I “can’t” do certain things because it’s “not what Christians do.” I’ve been judged for not getting over things fast enough, for asking questions, for being human. And when I’ve dared to speak up? I became the problem.

But here’s the thing—I still believe. I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. I believe in loving people well and showing compassion to those the world forgets. I just don’t believe you need a building to do that.

Hebrews 10:24–25 tells us not to give up meeting together, and I hear that a lot when people try to convince me to return to church. But gathering doesn’t have to look like pews and pulpits. It can look like serving meals to the hungry. Listening to someone’s story without judgment. Praying with a friend. Choosing kindness when you have every reason not to.

Church should be a place of healing. A safe space. A place where you can be real and raw and still know you’re loved.

But when it isn’t that, I understand why people walk away.

Honestly, I don’t blame them.

So if you’ve ever been hurt by the church—if you’ve ever felt unworthy, unseen, or unloved—I want you to hear this loud and clear: That wasn’t Jesus. That was people misrepresenting Him. And I’m sorry.

I’ll leave you with one more verse. John 13:35: “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Not by how often you attend church. Not by how loudly you worship. Not by how many rules you follow. But by love.

That’s it.

And if the church forgets that—then maybe it’s time we become the church, outside the walls.

Poetry Collection: Why People Don’t Go to Church (And Honestly, I Get It)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=RDj4wYkS8Z3Io&v=j4wYkS8Z3Io