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Why I Don’t Hate People: Even Those Who Hurt Me

I can’t seem to hate anyone anymore.

Not my family. Not the people who’ve hurt me. Not even strangers online who laugh at my questions or dismiss me with sarcasm. Hate just… doesn’t stick to me the way it used to.

That doesn’t mean people haven’t hurt me, they have, deeply, and often. And it doesn’t mean people online don’t sting me with their comments. Just recently, I asked a local Facebook group for help with some complicated documents for my niece. It wasn’t simple paperwork; it involved navigating state systems that are confusing even on a good day, even for those who have children in the home.

The responses I got?

“How do you not know how to do that?” “It’s that simple, smh.” And dozens of laughing-face emojis.

For a moment, I felt exactly what they wanted me to feel: small, incapable, stupid.

But here’s the truth: how is anyone supposed to know how to do something they’ve never been taught? How can you navigate systems you’ve never had to touch before, especially when those systems are notoriously unhelpful?

That online exchange was just one of thousands of examples I see every day: people ready to judge, mock, and tear down others for things they don’t understand.

And yet, I can’t bring myself to hate them.

Because I understand.

I understand that cruelty is simply pain in disguise. That mockery often comes from insecurity. That judgment usually says more about the person judging than the one being judged. When someone lashes out, it’s almost always because something inside them aches, and to feel better, they push that ache onto someone else.

It doesn’t make their behavior okay. But it does make it explainable. And once I understand where it comes from, hate feels impossible.

These days, I protect myself. I set boundaries. I don’t keep toxic people close. But I also don’t waste energy hating them.
Because empathy, while it leaves me vulnerable at times, is what keeps me human.

Yes, it opens the door to heartbreak. Yes, it sometimes makes me blind to red flags. But it also keeps me soft in a world that seems determined to harden us.

And if I have to choose between living with empathy or living with hate, I’ll choose empathy every time.
Because hate corrodes. Empathy, even when it hurts, still heals.



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